| Copyright
© 2009, Amarinda
Jones Reviews For FEAR OF BEING by Amarinda Jones Fear of Being is an erotic novel unlike
any other I have read. With hot sex scenes, a paranormal twist, and
a happily-ever-after, it’s a must read for 2009 – just be
prepared to take a cold shower. Ms. Jones has created a book in which
women can be found desirable regardless of their weight. It was a refreshing
change to see a heroine who wasn’t a size 4. An action packed
tale, Fear of Being is sure to have you turning page after page waiting
to see what happens next. Sample Chapter For FEAR OF BEING by Amarinda Jones ‘Spen-cer, Spen-cer, come and play with me, Spen-cer. We’ll have so much fun.’ “No.” Spencer Grace struggled to get away from the hands reaching out to her. It was a dream but it wasn’t. The smell of sulfur and ash choked her nose and made her want to throw up. Dreams didn’t reek of death, nor could they touch her. She knew he was closer to her than he’d ever been. ‘You know you want to be with me. You need me, Spen-cer. I know you like no other.’ “Leave me alone.” Although she couldn’t see him, she shot her hands out to fend him off. Spencer knew in her heart and soul that her very survival was at stake here. Yet the more she struggled the more she started to lose herself. It was like quicksand. Be calm. Don’t let this bastard win. Every day in the last two weeks, since he’d forced himself into her life, he was becoming stronger. I won’t lose myself to him. I can’t. ‘Spen-cer, Spen-cer.’ His voice made a slow hissing sound. She felt a sudden presence beside her in the bed. Her skin crawled like a thousand spiders were nipping at her flesh. She knew she had to face him—to face that which terrified her. I won’t let him see my fear. Spencer swallowed hard to stop the bile rising to her throat as she turned to look at the creature reclined alongside her on the bed, almost like a lover awaiting an invitation. The red man. Before, Spencer had only seen him in her mind. The reality was far worse. He was a man, but not. All his skin had been removed, leaving a red, raw, lean, muscular physique of perfectly formed flesh. It was grotesque to see veins pumping and sinews flexing as his body moved towards hers. His lips held a lecherous smile and his eyes burned with a fever possessed by only the intensely insane. And dear God—the stench of him. “I will not give in to you.” Spencer rolled away from his grasping hands. She knew if he touched her she’d be gone. How? She wasn’t sure. Spencer just sensed he needed her to be weak and lost and not able to stand up to him. That was his goal. That was what he fed on—her fear meant victory for him. The red man laughed harshly as if amused at her show of independence. “You will one day and I shall enjoy seeing you a broken woman with no option but to come to me.” “You do not and will never control me.” Spencer jumped off the bed and forced herself to look into his black eyes. They were as she imagined the pit of hell—fathomless and unforgiving. “Oh but I will, because you owe me, Spen-cer, and you will pay.” “I owe you nothing, hell-spawn!” she yelled at him. “Now get the fuck out of my life.”
I lick the tip of your cock and watch
as you squirm. You are completely at my mercy and we both know it. “Nothing scares me,” Spencer muttered as she tapped at the keys, watching as the words appeared on the screen. She hit “send.” Her words sounded confident but they were all lies. Talking dirty online to this man known only as Zed was safe, uncomplicated, hot fun. Neither wanted anything deeper. They both agreed to that. They just enjoyed chatting about what they would do a lover. Are you feeling so hot and bothered that you’d beg me to suck you? Spencer had never said that to a man before. What would it be like for a man to be so out of control for her that he would beg her for release? You’re a bad girl. Spencer Grace smiled as she logged off the chat site. How she found herself doing cybersex with an unknown man still amazed her. Six weeks ago, she’d been surfing the web to check the start time for a movie and the next moment she was on the chat site. Spencer guessed she must have inadvertently clicked on one of the pop-ups that littered the Internet. Like a sniper they appeared out of nowhere and unless she made an effort to avoid clicking on whatever fantastic offer there was she was in their web before she realized it. That was how she met Zed. She’d stumbled onto the site, wondering what it was. He’d been online and he’d typed a greeting. Spencer had found herself replying before she could think. At first she’d been appalled when he told her it was a cybersex chat site. The simple background and white text and the simple site name—Enigma—gave no indication of his true nature. You’re kidding me. People do that?
Chat about sex? That sounded lame even to her—and worse, she should have left the moment he told her what this chat site was. But she didn’t. What does that say about me? More words appeared on her screen. Really? Do you honestly think either of us believe that, my dear? You came to me for a reason. He was a stranger, yet the doubtful tone of his words made her want to justify herself. I’m not that pathetic. Spencer was lonely, scared and had no idea what she was doing, but wasn’t pathetic—at least as far as she knew. More words appeared. It’s not about that. It’s about the fantasy of what if and telling your most secret desires. To strangers? Yeah right. There was no way she’d ever do that. It suggested a level of desperation she refused to condemn herself to. Yes, to strangers. Why? As far as Spencer was concerned people only got told as much as she needed them to know. Anything more was private. Tell me, do you undress in the full light with your lover? Spencer didn’t point out she had no lover—and even thinking back to when she last did, she believed the lights had been dimmed. Your silence indicates no lover. Maybe I’m appalled. She was and yet she couldn’t make herself leave the site. No you’re not—if you were you would have logged off by now. Bingo. His thoughts mirrored her own. Spencer did have the power to leave. To click off the site, yet she couldn’t. When did you last have sex—not counting your own hand? That’s disgusting. It had been forever. Sometimes she doubted if she ever would again. And what was the point anyway? Sex had always left Spencer unfulfilled and wanting more. When? Why do you need to know? Did he get off on this sort of thing and if this was a chat line it was a little odd that no one else was chatting along with them. So I can pleasure you. Online? The man clearly overestimated his abilities—as all men did. Yes. How? By my words. Tell me what you need, what you crave. What you want a man to do to you and what you want to do to him. And that was how it began. Spencer became hooked on chatting to the sexy mysterious Zed. Part of her wanted to know who he really was and yet another part never wanted to know. The anonymity of what they spoke of online was safe, even if the topics weren’t. There was danger and yet a wild freedom to just say what she needed without fear of being compromised or threatened. And, they were never interrupted by other chatters. When she questioned this, Zed told her it was because he believed on focusing on one person at a time and no others were allowed to intrude. Take off your clothes, my dear. And if I don’t take them off? Was she that see-through? Spencer wanted to believe she hid things better than that. The idea of stranger sex intrigued her. I’ll punish you. She snorted with laughter. Punish her? Online? How? Tie you up naked in a public place where anyone could see you and touch you. Would you like that? No. Yes, she would and the thought of something like that both appalled and excited her. Liar. This is crazy. No, it’s what you need. Now take off your clothes. And she did and that in itself surprised Spencer as she never took orders from anyone. Yet this was different. How, she wasn’t sure. She felt the urge to do something completely forbidden. Any plans she had for seeing a movie had disappeared. Her clothes were dropped on the floor beside her. There was no one in her house to see her so no one would wonder what she was doing sitting naked at the keyboard. Are you naked? Yes. Pity—I wanted to tie you up. Spencer had wanted him to as well. It made her wet just thinking about it. What do you need? Tell me. Against all logic, then and there, Spencer told him every deep, hidden desire she had. Zed was never appalled. Over the weeks that followed he just listened and responded so that her fantasies became real, if only for a moment in time. * * * * Before logging completely off, Spencer checked her email. “Oh for fuck’s sake! Who are these people?” She raked an agitated hand through her messy hair. There were fifty-seven emails announcing she had “new friends.” She logged into her Facebook page and viciously struck the delete button on her keyboard, over and over, erasing pictures as she muttered to herself. “God! Do these idiots have nothing else to do on a Sunday morning?” Spencer was tired and cranky at having to once more delete photos of people called “creatures of the night” from her home page. It wasted her time and she hated that. Spencer hadn’t invited nor accepted any of these people to share her page but they came regardless and no matter how many times she deleted them, they returned with photos even filthier than the last. Normal people put standard pictures on, reflecting who they were as people, holding cats, dogs, their prized stamp collection or an author trying to sell a book. Not this rubbish. “And why have I collected this bunch of losers anyway?” She knew anyone with any open page on the Internet could be targeted—but by this many freaks? Her mind strayed back to last night’s intrusion. The red man. She’d no idea what his name was, but that was what she called him. Spencer shuddered as the vision of him once more came into her mind. He was pure evil and beyond ghastly with his fleshy, grotesque physique and disgusting odor. He’d been there every night since she had turned thirty two weeks ago. Normal people got normal gifts. “Lucky me, I got a dead man.” That he was dead, she didn’t doubt. That he was real and not a figment of her imagination was a certainty as well. Spencer just knew it, not that she’d ever seen a dead person in reality. The red man just felt dead to her. No live person could come and go as he did and only at night. It was like every childhood horror story she’d ever read, and despite her bravado she feared him like no other. By his words he indicated he knew her and the thought of that scared her down to her toenails. Of course she’d fight the fear. Spencer was strong and smart. She didn’t give into bullies—and the red man was certainly that. Spencer stopped and looked at one photo. She tilted her head from side to side and snorted in disbelief. “That’s not even possible.” The position alone looked back-breaking. “How can three men do that with two women?” Though, she had to admit the women looked pretty limber and not at all like her own chunky frame. Spencer knew if she hung upside down like that she’d either pass out from blood rush to the head or knock an eye out with one of her own non-gravity-defying boobs. “Wow, and that’s way too big to fit in there with that.” It had to be the biggest carrot she had ever seen. “And why the hell are they all eating watermelon?” Delete. Delete. Delete. “Either I haven’t had sex in a long time and forgotten stuff, or the rules have most definitely changed.” Delete. Delete. “Get thee gone,” Spencer snapped as she furiously deleted the last of the photos. There was dozens of these creature people. Every day there were more and more and everyday the photos were more pornographic. It was disgusting but in a weird way it was also a turn-on. It made Spencer begin to wonder at her sanity. “First I see red men, then I’m talking dirty with Zed and now I’m viewing porn. I have to get out more.” She’d not had sex for such a long time and these photos were pretty graphic. Spencer stopped on another one. It was hot and sexy. Two men and one woman. The two men appeared to be totally at the beck and call to pleasure the woman. That was a fantasy of Spencer’s. What would it feel like to have two men tight and hot inside her, making her scream with pleasure? Her hand slid down the thin fabric of her nightie and under her panties as she imagined two men filling her as this woman was being satisfied. Spencer could almost feel the heat of twin cocks pulsating inside her. She clicked on the image to expand it—and suddenly she was watching a video. “I shouldn’t be doing this…” she murmured as she watched the two men grinding their cocks in and out of the woman, who moaned in enjoyment and begged them to go faster. Spencer’s own fingers moved rapidly on her clit as she watched. The men were totally focused on pleasuring the woman. “Oh, I want that.” She rubbed harder as the men began really pounding the woman, who screamed in excitement. “Spen-cer, Spen-cer,” a voice called out. She jerked in shock. The tone was very familiar. She was torn between immediately stopping what she was doing—and giving into the feeling beginning to rush through her body. “Hey, Spencer!” Now the voice sounded not only familiar, but human. It wasn’t the red man. She never saw him during the day. That the creature watched her, she did not doubt. Spencer just didn’t want the red man seeing her like this. It would give him open access to her when she was the most vulnerable. Knowing she gave into need wasn’t something she wanted him to be privy to. However now, unable to stop herself, she worked her fingers on her clit until she began moaning softy as the orgasm hit. “Spen-cer! Are you okay?” Totally ignoring the person who called out to her, Spencer gave into the tremors racking her body. She looked at the image on the screen. “I’d be more okay if I was her.” But she wasn’t. She was home alone, playing with herself. Spencer wasn’t embarrassed by that, more annoyed she wasn’t the woman in the video. She snapped off the image on the computer and stood up. Her inner thighs were wet from her own juices. “Damn, I need a man.” She walked to the open window providing a view out on to the street. It was high enough so no one could look in and the fresh air was a blessing on such a hot summer day. “What? Are you daydreaming?” William Napier smiled up at her. Once more Spencer sucked in her breath at the sight of the man. This wasn’t death. This was real, raw man and the tingling between her thighs intensified. “Coffee?” It had become their morning ritual for the last three weeks. Every day, regardless what day it was, she and William met for coffee. It was the one thing Spencer knew she could count on at the moment. It kept her sane at a time when she felt anything but sane, due to the red man invading her life. Also, she had to admit looking at such a gorgeous man and wondering “what if” wasn’t bad for her ego. Spencer still hadn’t completely worked out what the hard-bodied, model-like William was doing with her, but there were times when the feel-good was more important than reality. “Yeah, sure. I’ll meet you there in fifteen minutes.” She needed time to shower and slap herself around the head and get her act together. She was spending too much time thinking about the red man and what he may or may not do. William nodded amiably and headed off. “Nice ass,” she sighed as she watched him go. She knew he couldn’t hear her. It would have been a strange thing to have said to a friend—and that’s what he was. In her heart Spencer knew he could never be more. But a great ass needed to be appreciated and few men fit faded denim as darkly handsome William did. Although he’d also come into her life just recently, unlike the red man, she felt no fear of him. They’d met at the Coffee Barn
six weeks ago. It was a large old house that had been renovated. All
the walls had been ripped out to make it a huge cavernous space filled
with booths and a counter. The most amazing smell of coffee gripped
her as she walked in. She and William were regulars who struck up a
conversation and became friends. Like the red man, she knew William
wanted something more than friendship from her. He was gorgeous in that
mouth-dropping-open way that made her salivate and wonder—but
not enough to taste. Although he was one fine man, Spencer knew she
wanted something more. * * * * “Sorry I took so long.” Another happening coinciding with the advent of the red man was that things were continuously moving around in the house. Her clothes, her shoes, her furniture. Every day things moved and nothing was ever in the same place—it took extra frustrating minutes looking for items that weren’t where she last left them. If that wasn’t bad enough, her panties disappeared from her drawers on a regular basis. This often left her bareassed when she went out. Like now. Spencer was meeting William with no knickers on. Before the red man she’d have been more likely to fly to the moon rather than go outside without underwear. It was unsettling, but then Spencer knew it was the red man. He wanted her so wrought up and out of control that she’d succumb to him through fear. But there was something else about the red man that worried her. Until he forced his way into her life, she’d contained her sexuality in a tightly-sealed package inside herself. The red man flung sex in her face and made her react. Spencer knew he had to be behind the “creatures of the night.” That she even hesitated to look at those photos concerned her. He knew how to get to her. Does he know me better than I know myself? Spencer’s clit still throbbed from the touch of her own fingers. She craved the fierce heat of a large, hard cock within her. Or two. That would be even better. Spencer blushed thinking about it. She felt a familiar wetness between her legs. The light summer cotton of her sundress tickled her thighs as she ground her pussy down onto the vinyl of the seat. That Spencer had viewed the pornographic images the creatures had sent her both shocked and excited her. It was like her nemesis was pushing her limits to see how far she would go, and here she was having coffee and wishing for cock. It was so unlike her. It excited her. It terrified her. I hate him. And there was no one she could discuss this with. Who would understand? Who wouldn’t think she wasn’t crazy? There were times she doubted her own sanity. It was only until she smelled that stench and heard that evil laugh that she knew the red man was very real. He repulsed her. And that he was tapping into her personality and unwinding the tightly bound cords holding her together alarmed her to the point of panic. A thought struck her. Maybe I could tell Zed? He was anonymous and he never seemed shocked by anything she said. Zed would understand the sexual side of the red man’s attempt to dominate her. But if she told him this, it would be one more intimate thing he knew about her. Should I allow an anonymous person to have such power over me? But if she excluded Zed and told her friends, Spencer knew they would assume she was under the influence of drugs or alcohol. And there were some nights she’d woken up shaking so much that she contemplated drinking her nightmares away. But she knew that would get her nowhere. I’m stronger than that. “I’ll never let him win,” she muttered to herself as she sipped her coffee. “What?” William looked at her, expecting more. “Nothing.” Spencer was spending too much time thinking about the red man. She closed her legs together tightly to stop the throbbing. “You had that dream again last night.” “Yes.” Spencer sighed. William
was astute. In the two weeks she’d known him, she realized he
saw things others didn’t. While she liked that about him, it also
worried her. People so astute could gain too much information and she
wasn’t a giver in that way. “Want to talk about it?” “No.” Spencer’s hands cupped her coffee mug. I have to deal with this alone. “I think you should—it always seems to rattle you.” Oh yeah, it does. Her cage was well and truly shaking, but Spencer wasn’t about to tell anyone the full extent of what she saw. It was no dream. It was real. The red man was real. She knew if she said that, people would think she was insane. Maybe she was. Who knew? Spencer just didn’t want to think about it, let alone have others analyze her thoughts. “It’s private.” Back off. Her thoughts were her own. William reached for her hand. “I thought we were friends.” Spencer shivered under his touch. Visions of those sex images came back into her mind. “We are.” And the speed of their friendship had been surprising. Normally it took months for Spencer to allow anyone any access into her life. But William was different. How, she wasn’t sure. But she did know that there were some things she couldn’t discuss, even with friends—no matter how long the length of relationship. “You know I want more than friendship.” William massaged her hand in his. Spencer knew that, and if it was just a matter of scratching an itch she would have been sliding repeatedly up and down his cock by now. William Napier was made of fine materials. He would be an excellent ride and she knew the ache between her legs would ease when filled by the dominance of a hard shaft within her—yet he wasn’t quite what she wanted. Other women would think her mad, but he wasn’t who she pictured herself with. Spencer didn’t believe in fairytales and happily ever after. She knew sex was a primal urge that needed to be satisfied and the sex and love didn’t always go together. So why do I want more? What is it I want? What do I need? Why can’t I just accept what’s on offer and take temporary satisfaction in that? Spencer looked at William. She still couldn’t work out why he would want her. She wasn’t model-like slim and her skin wasn’t creamy-smooth. It was freckled and prone to the most annoying hormonal break outs. William didn’t look like the sort of man who had either a pimple or poundage problem. In a word William was hot and she was at times barely lukewarm. “I know we’d be fantastic together, Spencer. I dream of taking possession of your body and making you come so hard that you’re breathless yet begging me for more.” Possession. Breathless. The total surrender of yourself to a lover. Yeah, that’s what I want. Spencer felt her inner thighs sweat at his words. Do it. Do it. Have him. “William—” He lifted his hand from hers. “Okay, I know when to back off. But just think about us together.” At that moment she could think of nothing else. Maybe it was the pictures from before or maybe it was just sheer frustration, but Spencer had the overriding urge to drag William into the restroom and flip up her skirt, thrust her ass out and let him fill the emptiness inside. But good girls didn’t do that and Spencer wasn’t sure she was game enough to just have sex out of the blue like that. Besides this was William. He was nice but… Spencer squeezed her thighs together. But one day I want to do exactly that to a man. If giving into lust could be considered a goal then Spencer was halfway there. I just need to find the man. “You want a muffin?” His lopsided grin never failed to soothe her. Spencer watched him walk off to the counter. William was pure sex. It was in his walk and his eyes. He didn’t hide his sexuality. He flaunted it. He dared her with it. Dressed in simple faded denim and a white t-shirt, he had every female eye on him. His dark hair and eyes were attention-grabbers. William was the sort of man who had her wondering if the sensual promise within would live up to expectation. As he reached over to take a serviette she glimpsed the tanned abs under the shirt. Visions of those photos came back into her mind. What would it taste like to lick that hard flesh? “Bloody hell, it’s hot in here.” She pushed her coffee aside. Spencer needed no extra stimulus. “Take your eyes off his ass, Grace.” A hot man wants me—why? She still couldn’t work that out. Was it a simple case of opposites attracting? Spencer had always had a good self-esteem, but even she wouldn’t expect someone as amazing as William to want her. Besides that, she liked the idea of being friends with a man. That was a novelty and Spencer wasn’t sure she wanted to add sex to the mix as it might ruin the friendship. But then friends she had, and hot sex wasn’t always available. Hmmm… Spencer wasn’t the type who attracted men like him. She was short, unfashionably buxom with dark brown hair. The painter Botticelli may have loved her centuries ago but she wasn’t the stuff of dreams in the present wafer-thin climate. “So why am I holding out?” It had been so long since she’d felt the hard heat of a man inside her. Although she was attracted to William there was something missing in what she felt. The spark of attraction was there but the need wasn’t overwhelming. It was more that it was on offer if she wanted to take advantage of it. And I need something more. It had become her mantra. Just then William turned, and he smiled at her. Thoughts of the red man came back to her mind. Spen-cer. The slow hissing sound tortured her. Damn it. Now he was getting to her during the day. “You will not win, you ugly son of a bitch. I will not let you get to me.” |